Post by Dave on May 2, 2005 14:12:16 GMT -5
Notification is hereby given to all members of the female species, known collectively as the “Sisterhood”, heirinafter referred to as “Womenfolk”, on this day, the 2nd day of May 2005.
The Male Liberation Movement starts right here.
For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality by the womenfolk of our species. For too long we have been terrified of reprisals. The time has come to make a stand against our oppressors and break free from this tyranny.
Menfolk of the world unite…you have nothing to lose except your chains…(and a few other bits and pieces if you don’t hide all the sharp objects in your house first, but we’ll worry about that at a later date)
We therefore place notice, for the entire world to see, the 38 Articles of the Male Liberation Movement.
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Just get your bum down to a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, just put the thing down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us moaning about you leaving it down.
3. Don't cut your hair……ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons men fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
4. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.……again.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Saturday = sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides, let it be.
7. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
8. Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
10. Face it; peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?
12. 'Yes', 'no' and 'mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Your mum does NOT have to be our best friend.
15. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
16. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.
17. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
18. If something we said could be intended two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
19. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?
20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.
21. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
22. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "no, couldn’t/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
23. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.
24. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, good wine and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category "garnish".
25. Do not question our sense of direction. If you can learn this, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
26. Crying is emotional blackmail.
27. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
28. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
29. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
30. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows Default Settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
31. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. It's genetic.
32. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
33. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
34. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
35. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers, football, fluff in your navel, Zen and the art of picking your nose, the 4-4-2 formation or the benefits of drinking real ale.
36. You have enough clothes, and too many shoes. Yes, you did hear right. Too many shoes!!
37. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
38. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
STAND FIRM MENFOLK, ONCE THE TYRANNY OF THE WOMENFOLK HAS BEEN BROKEN THEY WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO OPPRESS US WITH.
THE HOUR OF OUR FREEDOM IS AT HAND…AIN'T THAT RIGHT GUYS....ermm! Guys!…where’ve you all gone?…why are you all hiding behind your sofa's?
The Male Liberation Movement starts right here.
For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality by the womenfolk of our species. For too long we have been terrified of reprisals. The time has come to make a stand against our oppressors and break free from this tyranny.
Menfolk of the world unite…you have nothing to lose except your chains…(and a few other bits and pieces if you don’t hide all the sharp objects in your house first, but we’ll worry about that at a later date)
We therefore place notice, for the entire world to see, the 38 Articles of the Male Liberation Movement.
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Just get your bum down to a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, just put the thing down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us moaning about you leaving it down.
3. Don't cut your hair……ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons men fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.
4. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.……again.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Saturday = sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides, let it be.
7. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
8. Anything you wear is fine. Really!!!
9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
10. Face it; peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?
12. 'Yes', 'no' and 'mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
14. Your mum does NOT have to be our best friend.
15. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
16. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.
17. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
18. If something we said could be intended two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
19. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?
20. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.
21. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
22. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "no, couldn’t/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
23. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.
24. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, good wine and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category "garnish".
25. Do not question our sense of direction. If you can learn this, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
26. Crying is emotional blackmail.
27. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
28. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
29. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
30. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows Default Settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
31. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. It's genetic.
32. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
33. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
34. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
35. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as computers, football, fluff in your navel, Zen and the art of picking your nose, the 4-4-2 formation or the benefits of drinking real ale.
36. You have enough clothes, and too many shoes. Yes, you did hear right. Too many shoes!!
37. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
38. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
STAND FIRM MENFOLK, ONCE THE TYRANNY OF THE WOMENFOLK HAS BEEN BROKEN THEY WILL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO OPPRESS US WITH.
THE HOUR OF OUR FREEDOM IS AT HAND…AIN'T THAT RIGHT GUYS....ermm! Guys!…where’ve you all gone?…why are you all hiding behind your sofa's?
